Friday: more than a touch of frost and looking forward to summer

Today was frosty, yadda yadda we know that - get on with it!  Ok, I will and just to let you know that my morning was taken up by visiting the local library, getting lost amongst the myriad of streets containing semi-detached houses, posting off an eBay parcel in the post office and listening to the end of a grisly bloke's conversation in the Co-op "...and I told him to move his car out of the entrance as 'e was blockin' it.  'e was lucky, if I'd 'ad my boy wiv me then 'e woulda decked 'im."  Oh the joys of living in the London area.

Would you like to see a picture of me wearing my summer Birkenstocks which was taken a few weeks ago?  I bet you would, so here it is:

Dark patent red is one of my favourite colours, but I'm not a huge fan of the Birkenstock Madrid style of sandal because they tend to flap too much and as such, I worry that they'll fall of my feet should I run for a bus and replicate the opening titles to the 1970s British Classic Man About The House where Chrissy loses her shoe on a London Routemaster Bus.  Saying that, apart from the re-imagined Boris Routemasters which run on the #38 service there aren't many of the older versions still in use other than the #15 heritage route.

Ok, I fully admit that I'm running out of shoe/tight and sock things to discuss.  I mean I've a few more pairs up my sleeve or indeed languishing on the shoe racks, under my bed, lying around the house and generally being trip hazards but it's running out of steam so I'll probably turn my considerable talents to penning some erotic fiction.  I'm attending a workshop on Thursday evening so I'll keep you posted but it'll be another blog in my series so keep reading! 

Wednesday: a day off scuppered + washing up bowl + tights

Yeah, I'm really scraping the barrel now for inspiration aren't I?  Well, today I decided to take a day's leave and potter round the shops, house and do a bit of tidying etc.  First of all I wandered into the fantastic fashion/home emporium we call BHS to see whether I could find a suitable winter coat, but nothing really fitted the bill: I resembled the rectangle from Mister Maker (I do understand that anybody who hasn't got any children and doesn't watch CBeebies won't really get that reference.)  At least I could overhear a bizarre and somewhat shrill conversation taking place between a few members of staff though, that really made my day.

My son, The Earl, fell over in the playground and had to be sent home - he's now lying supine on the sofa enjoying the rest and attention.

So what's all this about a washing up bowl?  Well, you get what you pay for, that's for sure.  Heed my warning!  I purchased a new bowl from Wilkinson's a couple of weeks ago for the princely sum of £1.69 and I can't say that I'm particularly impressed so far because it's too narrow to fit a plate in properly and cannot hold a candle to its Addis rival (which retails at £4.99).  It's also constructed from very thin plastic.  Disappointing.

...and tights?  The new purple pair were worn yesterday and they proceeded to fall down all day, which as you can imagine, was both uncomfortable and annoying.  I don't believe that it's particularly seemly to hoist them up on the London Underground.  However, to put the incident into context, there was a gross man sitting in front of me wearing a kilt with his legs splayed apart and to add insult to injury, chewing gum with his mouth open.  Lovely. 

Monday: tights again

My regular mooch around the shops was punctuated with a trip to M&S for inspiration on how to spend both my gift vouchers and the other points-driven coupons I'm spammed with via the post.  Anyway, today's trip to the changing room included: a short red cord jeans-style skirt, a pair of slim fit faun cords and a classic white shirt.  Now I tried them all on with a hopeful heart and nothing suited me at all - the skirt was too short, the trousers too tight and made me resemble an overstuffed sausage and the shirt was see through.  Now manufacturers of white shirts, surely this is a common problem and why don't you invest more in the thickness of the cotton?  If I'm paying £29.50 for a garment I don't wish to wear a camisole under it or worry whether my male colleagues are staring at me in an alarming fashion during a tedious PowerPoint presentation stuffed full of pie charts do I?  Wise up.

So, what did I spend my gift vouchers you may ask?  Well ask away because the answer's a three pack of tights.  Yeah, hardly a luxury item is it but necessary all the same.  I find that the 'extra large' in M&S is a perfect fit for me and no, I'm not gargantuan - I'm simply curvy with very long legs - like a spider with a deep love of McVitie's dark chocolate digestive biscuits if you please.  This pack which I've handily photographed for your enjoyment/delectation/information etc shows a mixed range of colours including purple, graphite and black.  I may wear the purple ones tomorrow, they're 40 denier so I trust they'll be warm enough :)

Boring 2012, bedsocks but no broomsticks!

I went to Boring 2012 today in east London - for the uninitiated it's an annual conference organised by the awesome James Ward in response to the cancellation of 'Interesting' back in 2010 so if my calculations are correct it's the third time it's taken place and I'm very pleased to report that I attended last year's event too.  Today's talks took a diverse trajectory - ranging from presentations on the merits of using supermarket self-service checkouts, toast, the history behind yellow lines, shop fronts and the merits of a Yamaha keyboard which had been discontinued in 2003.

It was strange sitting in the venue, York Hall in Bethnal Green, that how darn similar everybody looked.  With my trendy geeky glasses and Doc Martens diva boots you'd think I'd be unique wouldn't you, but no, it's not so.  At least my sense of humour is shared by many and for that, I'm a happy Duchess.  My hand also features in an official photograph as I was the first in the queue, sad but true!

Oh yeah, bedsocks - how could I forget?  Well, last Monday I went to Asda and purchased two pairs of fluffy bedsocks which are really synthetic and cause my feet to sweat quite a lot.  Here's a picture of me wearing them, go on, have a long hard look and then retire somewhere private to really concentrate your [dirty] minds.  They don't fit that well though - they're a little small and the heel doesn't sit where it really should :(

Saturday: long beige socks and rain

My hubby, the Duke, mentioned that he'd been listening to Frank Skinner's radio show on Absolute Radio this morning when the titular 'Mr Radio' mentioned a fetish for women with large feet.  I wasn't around this morning as I was attending my weekly guitar lesson but as ever, I've managed to save it onto my iPod directly from iTunes.  I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned my deep love for this show on this blog but if I haven't I'm going to write about it now.  Basically it's Frank Skinner, a well-known stand up comedian and presenter in the UK banters with his two sidekicks, Emily Dean, the deputy editor of InStyle Magazine and stand-up comedian Alun Cochrane every Saturday morning between 8am and 12pm - or an hour later if you're listening to Absolute 60s/70s/80s/90s/00s.  It's just bloody brilliant, the three of them just bounce hilarity off one another and it really cheers me up when I'm listening to them whilst carrying out a myriad of tedious household tasks.  Frank Skinner is an absolute genius: like many people I wasn't a huge fan of him during the 90s because I'd written him off of as a misogynistic football freak, but he's one of the cleverest, wittiest and just downright amusing celebrities around in my opinion.

I attended a Christmas Fete at a church I'd spent a great deal of my childhood attending this morning/early afternoon.  Like many fayres/fetes it was a bit rubbish but I managed to purchase three comedy DVDs, one of which, series three of Kath and Kim seems to be be region 4, so won't work in my player, here's hoping it plays via the laptop. 

I think I've already mentioned how much I adore the longer sock, so here's a picture of the pair I was wearing today.  Those with a deep love of orthopedic looking hosiery should get excited, but they're warm and comfortable as far as I'm concerned.  Are there people out there in the wider world who get excited by such things?  I bet there are - life's very odd.

Sunday: cleaning out my shoe containers under the bed

Yeah, it's Sunday and it's a bit frosty so thoughts turn to eradicating dust within the household, starting with some of my shoe collection which is being stored under the bed.  The proper way to store shoes, as we are all more than aware, is in their original box with a picture of the style on the front for ease of reference; these are then neatly stacked in a suitable cupboard.  Failing that, like Paloma Faith in the car crash awful but undoubtedly watchable Show Me Your Wardrobe on Sky Living, you need a purpose-built series of cupboards to house your heels in.

I've managed to unearth and dust off these shoes which I'm wearing at the moment.  I purchased them second hand from eBay a few years ago to complement the more subdued colours in my wardrobe and they're a pair of size 9/43 tan leather wedge courts.  Why don't you wear them more often you may ask and you'd of course, be right to raise this important point.  Well, they're not that comfortable to be honest and the height of the heel (2.5 inches) means that my toes slip down and bang against the front of the shoe; I was also walking to the station once and they nearly slipped off due to the reduced traction of my tights.  Huh!  They are a pair that I'll probably store in my locker at work for wearing during important meetings(!)  Surely I'm important enough to qualify for a ride in a Sedan Chair?

As I'm typing this, I'm momentarily pausing to state out towards the garden, a suburban oasis dappled with winter sunshine hitting my somewhat dilapidated shed.  It's my opinion that all men should be allowed a shed - my stepfather always had one whilst I was growing up, as did my grandfather.  I'm very much in favour of them - blokes like to carry out a bit of light engineering and wood carving in their spare time.  Sheds: more please!






 

Saturday: Nike Sanyassi and guitar lessons

Hurrah, another grey day in the UK - what's the weather like where you are in the world?  Better hopefully.  Actually I do look at my stats relating to the readership of this blog and notice that I'm receiving hits from the US and Germany as well as good old Blighty.  Here's hoping that you're all logging on to read my various musings instead of having a gander at the pictures of my delicious feet and shoes? 

Right, shoes: today it's the turn of my pewter Nike Sanyassis.  For those who've never heard of this style of shoe, well you'd be forgiven because they were discontinued a year or two after their launch.  They're a mary jane/ballerina style shoe which is most suited to Pilates but I tend to wear them as a casual shoe, either to commute to work before switching to heels or teamed with skinny jeans on more relaxed days.  I think I first encountered them in the Next Directory but they ran out of stock really quickly so I had to buy them from eBay in the end.  The Nike size 9.5/EU 44.5 fits me nicely but does make me moan about the sheer diversity of shoe sizing between different manufacturers - raaahhhh!  It's getting much harder to find shoes that fit properly because there are increasingly fewer physical retailers these days and as we all know buying clothing and shoes from the internet is a complete lottery and tends to end in countless hours queuing up in post offices trying to return stuff.

You mentioned your guitar lessons in the title of this email?  How are they going?  Well, firstly thank you for taking an interest, it's always welcome.  Well, slowly is the initial answer - chord changes are very tricky at the moment and however hard I try I can't seem to 'get it' so I had a word with the teacher this morning who was very encouraging and helpful.  He suggested sticking to chord pairs such as G Major and D Major and working the changes between those, so I'll be doing that.  Although it's enjoyable I don't think Jeff Beck or Eric Clapton should be worried that I'll steal their thunder though!

Friday: talking about tights and jumpers

Yes, it's winter and what does that put you in mind of?  Tights and jumpers?  Well it does me and no, I don't go out in the street wearing just a jumper and a pair of tights - that would be just plain crazy and as you know, I'm not quite that mad yet.  I think the actress Sienna Miller managed to get away with it a few years ago, but I'm not as boho as her and certainly couldn't boast Jude Law as my ex (I'd tower over him for a start!)  The combination of tights and boots always puts me in mind of the panto season and it's always been an ambition of mine to don a tricorn hat, slap my thigh and serenade Cinderella - perhaps that's a sure sign that I need to get out more?

Tights huh?  I'm leggy and curvy so the phrase: 'one size fits all' doesn't quite cut it for me.  Personally I hate wearing a pair of tights with a baggy crotch, it's absolutely awful.  That is why I adore Marks and Spencer tights as they stock a size called, rather spiffingly, 'extra size' and it's big enough to encompass my pins.  I thought I'd post a picture of my current favourites which I purchased from a sale ages ago, they're brown herringbone and always seem to attract a great number of compliments.  Unfortunately they've developed a hole under the toes, which is a bit of a shame, so I may just wear them again next week and then sell them on eBay.

Jumpers: well I wandered into Asda (a supermarket owned by Wal-Mart for my overseas readers) this morning primarily to swap the pair of pink pajama bottoms with a black cat design imprinted upon them for a smaller size and happened upon a rack of fluffy jumpers.  I immediately tried one on but when I looked in the mirror I resembled The Honey Monster, which wasn't a particularly good look for me.  I think it's because I'm rather top heavy, so worn with my customary skinny jeans I look a little imbalanced.  Sigh. 

Thursday: Clarks Zebra Print boots and life moves on

I wore my Clarks Zebra print boots to work today; they're great by the way, a slightly hairy finish it's true, but none the worse for it.  What I REALLY adore about them is that they're so darn funky - for example, I chaired a meeting today and I think the boots really held their own in the room (I doubt they'd be able to hold someone else's though, they do have their limits...)  I'm loving the heel height too - at 4cm they give me a bit of a lift but are very comfortable; I think this is also because of Clarks' patented 'softwear' padding on the sole, which is rather yummy at the moment.

For those who are interested or even give a shit, I left my current post today and will begin a new one next Tuesday.  Personally, I'm delighted and look forward to the new challenges ahead.

Monday: dull day but bright shoes and socks bring cheer to the heart!

You've got to love a character sock haven't you?  You don't?  What on earth do you buy loved ones for Christmas then?  Those pointless boxes of shower gel and body lotion which end up consigned to the back of the cupboard and re-gifted at a later date?  Ok, now I understand.  Here are my current favourites by the way, they're Angry Bird socks and show the 'bomb' bird from the popular game; worn with leopard print shoes I think you'll agree that they're both practical and sexy.

Yes, I'm back after my mega sulk, but I'm the Duchess and I'm allowed such luxuries.  I may offer my smelly old fake Ugg boots for sale in a few days or so because the Duke complained so much about the stench last week that I was forced to house them in the hallway and shower down my tootsies pronto and lather them up with a bar of Dove soap.  Yum you may think?  Each to their own. 

My wholemeal loaf has sagged in the bread machine (a middle class dilemma if ever there was!) but at least a new series of Radio 4's I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue begins today at 18:30 - I cannot wait, that programme is a total treat.  Only Connect is also on tonight on BBC4.  Life's good (sometimes...)

Saturday: pedicure pains - part one

I am finding that removing stubborn nail polish is taking longer and longer these days - maybe because there was base coat, two colour coats, top coat plus a crackle layer?  Who knows?  Anyway, despite me using Cutex, which is one of the premier nail varnish removers on the market, some of it wouldn't remove from the edges.  I undertook the pedicure in the usual manner, which is thus:

1) Fill large Addis bowl (the rectangular sort, the circular doesn't fit my feet) with warm water and Radox bath salts

2) Soak feet for ten minutes or so whilst periodically rubbing them down with a pumice stone to remove dead skin

3) Cut the toenails straight across with a pair of sharp nail scissors

4) Dry them off with an old, rough towel and prepare for cuticle care, buffing and finally, polish.....

Well, that's part one over anyway; part two will be written and uploaded tomorrow, well it will if my eBay sales go well or indeed sell at all.  If not, I'm throwing all of the toys out of my pram (so to speak) and am quitting to spend time doing other things for the foreseeable future.  

Thursday/Friday: Doc Martens Elena knee high boots

I am writing this kind of retrospectively because I wore my new bright red Doc Martens Elena boots to work yesterday.  'Aren't they a bit casual for work?' you may ask and yes, you'd be right.  I can't stand wearing suits and things, I believe that they stem my creative juices, well the polyester mix probably does anyway.  I was in a high level presentation yesterday (ooh, get you!) and a senior member of staff complemented the boots, so I must be doing something correct.

As for the boots themselves, well I can say that they're very comfortable indeed - I think this is combination of the Doc Martens patented 'air wear' sole and the fact that they're very roomy.  Actually they are fairly wide and my feet aren't really, so I do rattle around a bit in them so perhaps it's time to purchase some thick socks to complement them?

Methinks it's high time for a new pedicure tomorrow which I'll photograph extracts from for your perusal and enjoyment, but being the saucy tease that I am, will only upload the pictures onto this blog if my items sell on eBay.  My two auctions end on Sunday lunchtime, so keep them in mind - my screen name is duchesseleanor, but do remember that I don't sell outside the UK. 

I'll probably undertake this laborious task whilst listening to the second half of Tony Blackburn's Pick of the Pops.  To all of those outside the UK, Mr Blackburn is a true broadcasting legend and his career spans many decades.  I adore his Saturday lunchtime radio show because he plays extracts from two music charts from different years and as you'd expect, it tends to bring back memories and long-forgotten gems.  It's one of my ambitions to get a text message or email read out by him on the show; the other, if you're interested, is to get a letter published in the acclaimed TV listings magazine Radio Times.  Yeah, I'm very sad. 

Farewell darlings xxx