December 2013: AKA Black Monday + Tuesday

Regular readers will know that I'm not one to moan (well I am really, but people are probably too scared to remind me of it...) however 2013 will always mean a completely shit year as far as I'm concerned.  The Duke rang me last night to tell me that he'd slipped over on a discarded burger wrapper outside NikeTown in Oxford Street, London and he'd be heading for the local A&E in an ambulance as a result.  Oh bloody hell - he was fine though, bruised and is now walking with crutches, but otherwise unscathed.  This means that I'm home looking after him and have missed out on my work Christmas Lunch as a result, therefore the £5 I spent on the deposit is wasted forever.  Saying that, I guess I've saved on the fares (£4.50 each way) plus the cost of the rest of the meal (£19.50), allied to the wine top-ups to make up for the sheer tightfisted nature of senior management's contribution (££?).

Here are the boots I was planning to wear:

Anyway, I thought I'd pour myself a nice glass of wine to make up for the sheer misery I'm feeling, but unfortunately I cut my thumb on the foil thus:

Oh well, I'm enjoying a medium glass of french white wine anyway:

Of course, the photograph was taken the right way up (otherwise the wine would pour out of the side) but I cannot work out how to rotate the picture.  Story of my life really. 

Hopefully 2014 will prove to be a much better year?  I live in hope.  Actually I live in London but that's by the by.

Just How Many Pairs of Shoes Do You Own?

That was a question posed to me by my husband, The Duke*, yesterday and I answered "er, about sixty I guess, although a more accurate guesstimate would be more than fifteen and fewer than fifteen thousand."  I really don't know to be honest and they're stored everywhere around the house: under the bed, under the hall table, on top of the wardrobe and other places which defy logic.  Why so many you may ask and I cannot answer that question - I just own loads of shoes, nuff said.  Actually were were wandering through Covent Garden yesterday en route to visiting the Central London Masonic Temple** and had a look in the Doctor Martens shop which contained a myriad of lovely shoes and I've already worked out which boots I'll purchase next.  Arrggghhh.

It got me thinking about these boots which I rarely ever wear because they feature 3 inch heels.  Yes, they're snake print and I absolutely adore them, but cannot walk far in them.  I may wear my Clarks Zebra print boots to the Christmas Lunch at work on Tuesday, but the last time I donned them they scraped all of the skin off of my left foot.  Eek. 

* I am not married to John Wayne for two reasons: one is that I don't enjoy Westerns and the other is that he's dead, which doesn't feature in the modern marriage Act.

** It was a really odd place; however they do free tours though if you're stuck for stuff to do in central London. 

Silver Toed Wednesday

I have painted my toenails silver - the colour came courtesy of my friend who regularly buys Glamour Magazine (mainly because it's only £2 per month I'll warrant) but who am I to complain when she passes their wonderful free gifts onto me?  This month it was a Nail Inc Kate Spade special edition in Kensington Silver as the company always name their colours after London postal districts.  A while ago I received a deep purple colour, area unknown, although it was probably very expensive indeed (the area, not the polish, although retailing at £11 it's out of my price range.)

Actually, pictured in the evening it's clear that my feet swell quite a bit during the day.  That said, I do walk quite a lot and my neighbour commented earlier that I'm like Speedy Gonzalez.  That's just me, I don't tend to amble along a great deal, especially when commuting, oh dear no. 

Doctor Martens Clemency Eight Hole Red Patent Boots

Yay readers - I'm back!  I bet you've all missed me, haven't you?  Well, I've been out and about enjoying the winter weather, but not sadly the sore throat that's marring my enjoyment of life at the moment.  Footwear?  Yes indeedy and what better to beckon the brutal English winter head on but a lovely pair of DMs huh?  I was searching through their site and noticed a red patent heeled eight hole pair of lovelies in a style called 'Clemency' which I researched online and decided to purchase from Amazon.  To make way for a new pair of boots, a redundant pair must go and I decided to sell the DM Darla boots I own on eBay because at 3.5 inches, the heels are far too high for me to cope with and now they're being enjoyed by a fellow fan up in Scotland.

So, here are the beauties, pictured in their full patent glory; they look pink, but I can assure you that they're bright red in reality.  They are wearing in nicely too and I'm enjoying their patented bouncing soles and the grips are rather wonderful too.  I especially like the heel and at 6cm, it's perfect for everyday wearing.  I've put on a bit of lumber recently, so I'm pairing them with leggings and tunic tops until I can slim back into my skinnies. 

Transitional Little Toe + New Clarks National Sugar Biker Boots

I bet you're all asking the question to yourselves 'what's happened to the Duchess these days?  Doesn't she care about the myriad of foot fans who hang on her every word across the globe?'  Well, here I am, back again, talking about feet and shoes, just the way you like it.  Actually, if you check, I do write a whole load of other blogs too, but they don't encounter half as many hits as this one still does, even in a dormant state.

Firstly, feet - well, it's the UK in September and the weather's turned for the worst, which is a shame.  I am looking out at my garden and seeing all all of the rain falling onto sodden ground.  Therefore my poor Birkenstock collection will have to return to their boxes on top of the wardrobe until next May, more's the pity and I've had to find alternative footwear this week, wherein lies the problem.  I'm sure regular readers will recall the splendour of my Clarks zebra print boots which I wore on Tuesday and being slightly pointed they caused issues with the little toe on my left foot.  I made the problem worse on Thursday by donning a pair of red patent Clarks Finnis asymmetric mary janes which rubbed and as a result, I could barely walk.  Here's a picture, poor old tiny toe, that's a massive blister isn't it?:

 New season, new shoes - right?  Yeah, with bells on.  Clarks were offering a 20% discount off of full price adult boots and shoes so I cleared it with the Duke and jumped straight in, purchasing a new pair of biker boots to replace the ones which have turned green after years of use combined with being consigned to the front porch.  The style is called National Sugar and the have a superb grippy sole combined with a low (1-2 inch rubber heel) and I think I'm in love.  I have already covered them in Dubbin to protect them against the English weather and they're ready to go next week after a short period of wearing them in first. 

As well as the black leather version I bought they also offered the style in grey suede and brown leather but the former isn't really suitable for this climate and the latter is a tiny bit samey and closely resembles a pair of knee length Doctor Martens diva boots I already own.

Here's a front view - lovely aren't they?  Very clompy indeed.  Mmm.  Also, here's another huge thank you to Clarks for producing a size 9 in quite a few of your funky styles: it's brilliant!

Ninety Posts - Not Out

I bet you're all out there in cyberspace wondering what on earth has happened to the Duchess's foot blog, aren't you?  Then wonder no more, I'm back, but it's only a temporary return as I have seriously used up most of my foot and shoe chat for the time being.  I have recently been away on holiday and as a result, my feet are nice and tanned; to be precise they are sporting a Birkenstock Gizeh-shaped tan, as pictured in the first shot, although to be honest, it's barely discernible as a result of the flash:

I did quite a lot of mudwalking whilst way and for those who aren't au fait with such things, it's when one walks along the mud when the tide's out and I attach a picture below of the 'after' effects.  The minerals in sea mud are wonderful and sinking one's feet into the squidgy mud is rather splendid and squelchy.  Mmm.  Actually, it barely looks like my feet at all and to be honest, you'd see better plates of meat gracing The Chamber of Horrors in my opinion, but I thought you'd appreciate the shot anyway, which was taken about a month ago now, hence the different shade of nail polish I'm sporting. I have absolutely no idea why they're so swollen looking?  My feet are usually much more streamlined than that.

Finally, I suppose you've never seen my Next sequinned flip flops have you?  Well, here's a pic for all of you fans of 'thongs' of the foot kind (not the knicker kind as I really hate those, there's nothing more uncomfortable in my opinion and I'd much rather wear the kind of brief which is commonly known as the 'apple catcher').  They're a size 8 and therefore a little small, but I've had them for years now and rather like them; actually I'm wearing them now as I type.

Friday: A mosey around M&S

Yes, it's Friday and boo it's bloody raining again, but luckily I'd returned from the shops before the first raindrops hit the pavement.  My stomach is really annoying me at the moment as it's massive and no, I'm not pregnant, I'm just very lardy at this present time.  Yeah, I'm going back on a diet but it's not nice as some of my jeans are cut a bit too low and I have a hangover of amorphous glutenous fat hanging around my midriff.  Anyway, I ventured into M&S this morning to spend the £5 voucher I was granted the other day which expires tomorrow.  Walking around I could not see much that I really wanted - the £9.50 cotton shorts were too skimpy - i.e. they would reach a few inches down my leg, thus exposing my un-toned upper thigh; as I already own a pair of Levi's shorts which are a similar length I could not expose the public to such sights, so I passed them by.  As for anything else, well I just couldn't be bothered to buy any more middle of the road middle aged clothing, so I plumped for these instead:

They are of course to wear under my new hot pink Clarks ballerina shoes.  I do love them so!  That is of course, that I adore my shoes, not footsies, I think you'd have to be a sadder person than me to get excited about the prospect of wearing foot hosiery.