Easter Saturday: The Duchess on The Duchess

Happy Easter!  As an egg-exlent treat, here's an interview with my good self, including an awful lot of the answers various correspondents ask me for.

So, how did you get into all of this?

The answers to this are all contained within a Christmas 2012 posting - check it out: http://nomeanfeetfortheduchess.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/happy-christmas-festive-tootsies-and.html

What is it with you and an obsession with the strange aspects of life?

It's a mixture of boredom, listlessness and an obsession with the vagaries of the human condition.

WTF?  Really?  Get out more.

I fully intend to thank you.  Maybe readers can play 'Where's Wally' with my feet in the summer?  Perhaps I'll state which London postcode I'm going to be strolling through and you can see if you spot me?  Mind you, wouldn't it be funny if somebody approached a woman and said 'Duchess?', only for the poor perplexed woman to walk off, confused as hell.

Why do you like 'Commuter Crush' in The Metro and 'Missed Connections on CL?

Although in the majority of cases it's some kind of bizarre code, I don't care, I believe in serendipity.  I want to see people together, paired off and happy.  Going on the initial dates of any relationship is so exciting.  However, I say that but when I used to date blokes in the 1990s all I ever got was a man stroking my acrylic cardigan during a showing of The Shawshank Redemption and various other disappointing dates, therefore I was quite happy to be proposed to in the year 2000 (which always reminds me of the Pulp song!)

Anything else?

Well, quite a lot of this blogging is displacement activity.  Now I must get myself sorted.  Have a great Easter!

Finally, do you own those shoes pictured below and if so, why on earth are you wearing them with turquoise socks?  Are you totally barmy?

No, I was merely trying them on in New Look.  Yes, I suppose I am a bit, when I used to do Amateur Dramatics I was compared to the mighty Su Pollard on quite a few occasions.  Huh!

Maundy Thursday: Hangovers, hissy fits and harmony

OK, after a bit of a challenging week I've relented and the blog is now back in the public domain, plus it's also searchable via Google.  Yes, I've got over my hissy fit and feel a lot better now, well, apart from a bit of a hangover caused by drinking far too much at the work quiz last night.  I am finding it difficult to express myself via email at the moment and everything's coming out wrong, so I stick to anonymous blogging until I'm in a better frame of mind.  I think that's the trouble with the instant nature of electronic communication sometimes - you hit 'send' and it's gone, disappearing into the ether.

Right, feet - that's why your here isn't it?  Fine.  Today's picture is me wearing my white Betula flip flops which I've owned for a couple of years now, hence why they're quite discoloured.  I think I've written about Betulas before, but they're a Birkenstock side brand and are a PU flip flop.  They sell them on the mighty QVC where they wax lyrical about them for at least 18 minutes at a time.

Is there anything else I can share about feet?  Well, I wore my zebra print boots to work yesterday and they were universally admired.  I love the fact that they're hairy.  Yum!  However, my feet are a bit sore from being rubbed.  Awwhhh!

Monday: dark purple toes and lethargy

I just wish I could shake off this feeling of lethargy from my body and soul, but I cannot, however hard I try.  Mind you, I say that, but I'm not making that much of an effort, am I?  Typical me - I am a flaneur by nature.

Right, feet - that's what you've logged on to see and that's what I am going to give you.  Here's an exclusive picture of my new dark purple pedicure (Champney's brand for all of you nail polish fact fans!), which, if you look closely you can see how lumpy the second toe of my left foot is:

The issue is that, although I have really long toes and although that's really attractive to some people, shoe wise it causes huge problems.  Basically, I can never go consider not having toe nail polish on these days because the nail itself is discoloured, bulbous and cracked.  It really hurts if it hits the end of a shoe I'm wearing, that's why I'm in heaven once sandal season starts.  When is that going to be this year?  I'd like to see some kind of Spring.....

Also, I'm not sure why my feet look as puffy as they do - after all I've only carried out my normal constitutional.  Poor things, they need a rub. 

Saturday: Snow and Stilettos

Greetings from a snowy Britain - AGAIN!!!!!  What is wrong with the weather at the moment?  I say this in the knowledge that there are several pairs of unworn Birkenstocks sitting on top of my wardrobe at the moment, who I've no doubt are wondering (in German: natch) whether they'll ever see the light of day.  Since I'm stuck in the house today I thought I may pedicure my toenails, but that would mean removing the blue on my fingernails and it's holding up quite well, so tomorrow it is.  Anyway, I doubt my tootsies would wish to be parted from their fluffy bedsocks today.

Right, OK, stop rambling and talk about shoes darlin'.  Fine, yes I will and cease hectoring me with that cod South London accent won't you?  Well, yesterday I went to the peerless 'New Look' in the shopping centre (the latter of which is becoming more and more denuded by the week) and ascended to their shoe department, which to my surprise, stocked some size 9s.  Granted they were mostly in the wide fit category and I wouldn't say that my feet were classified as so, but at least they sell them, so hurrah to all of that.

So, why on earth are you teaming turquoise socks with high heeled courts then Duchess?  Erm, that's what I was wearing at the time and remembering that you're not supposed to try shoes on 'au naturel' (that's my feet, not my general state of nudity...) it was my only option.  Well it was either that or use the cache of tan pop socks which tend to hang around shoe shops.  Actually, do they still?  Having such big feet means that I rarely, if ever, get the chance to try anything on in the shop anyway.  Sigh!  Anyway, stilettos make me wobble and I doubt if I'll ever be able to walk in them properly as I do not wish to shorten my Achilles tendon.

Wednesday: new leopard print heels

Yes, you read it right, I've bought another pair of animal print shoes.  Are you obsessed you may ask?  Er, most likely.  I just wanted a pair to wear whilst dressing up.  I won't elaborate further if that's ok?

Where did you buy them from you may ask?  Well, Asda.  Not the chosen destination you may think for quality footwear but bizarrely they sell a size 9/43 and best of all, it fits (take note oh skimpy Next shoes!)

I think that it would be somewhat impolite not to show you the detailing on the back which consists of a non-functioning zip and some gilt studs.  You'll also notice my nails which are painted a splendid shade of blue - a Boots No7 hue if you please, as per some of my foot pics in earlier blog posts. 

I have been wearing the shoes around the house and find them very wobbly to walk in because I'm not used to pointy heels and they make me sway somewhat.  Obviously I wouldn't wear them for commuting, but I like the shape and definition they give to my calves, as all heels do, that's why women wear them.  Also, there's the instinctive wiggle they promote too.  Oh what fun!  Sometimes I think I'd like to wear heels and stockings on the tube, but it's far too cold and I bet they'd fall down anyway!

Friday: My word, I need cheering up....

It's lovely all of this adulation and all, but I need something to cheer me up, I'm a moody old Duchess at times and this cold weather's doing me no good!  Some new stuff would be nice and yes, Amazon vouchers would be fantastic.  Maybe I'd send a series of stockings and heel pictures to my greatest fans and by that, I mean, the pictures would be pretty exclusive and I can take requests of a half-decent nature - but as ever, nothing too obscene/illegal please....

I did notice that my poor feet look a bit swollen in this picture....maybe they need a good soak?  I'd certainly been on them all day.

My email address is: stuckinarutinwinter@yahoo.co.uk

Monday: 2000 page views, 50 posts + platform five inch heels

Grr!  Snow - again!  It's March FFS - what on earth have we all done to illicit the rage of the Weather Gods?  That's the Weather Gods, not the Weather Girls, one of whom is no longer with us, but blimey what voices and that video for It's Raining Men - which featured blokes sporting umbrellas, trench coats and erm, red Speedos....

I went into a shoe shop today, one which sells a very limited stock of size 9s and 10s for women (or cross dressers!) and decided to try on a pair of five inchers.  I was amazed how comfortable they were and am guessing that's because of the great whacking platform on them.  Anyway, I took the liberty of taking a few pics with my camera phone and I hope you like them.  The fact that I'm wearing thick sports socks in some shots is a bit odd, I agree and I wouldn't suggest this look to anybody sane!

I think you'll agree that they're quite stylish and at £19.99 not too pricey, however they're synthetic and as such, would 'draw' the feet.  I may go back and purchase them at some point because I could wear them during my, uh-hum, 'dressing up' phases at home.  Actually, it's a fairly scary look (if you're into that kind of thing...) because I am over 6ft in these babies.  Yikes!

Mothering Sunday: nearly 2000 page views and laying bare my sole(s)

Well it's Mothering Sunday and both The Duke and The Earl have been amazing today: lavishing me with gifts, breakfast in bed, magazines and the like.  Unfortunately it doesn't look like I'll be allowed enough time to watch the French film I've rented (no, before you ask, it's not a rude one!) but that's par for the course really.

I am seriously impressed how many page views I'm receiving since the CL ad and yes, it's very nice indeed.  I have had a couple of requests for pics of my soles, so here goes.  As you're probably aware, I have to take all the pictures myself, so some angles are a bit trickier than others:

Not sure if I'm so enamoured by the bottom of my feet, which quite frankly look quite male to me.

.

The right ones a bit lumpier - wearing Birkenstocks during the summer months causes a ridge of hard skin to appear between my big and second toes.  It's not painful but it's caused by the raised footbed on Birkies rubbing against the ball of my foot.

Right, have a good day and don't do anything I wouldn't (er, that leaves you with a myriad of possibilities, but please remember that you'll have to explain yourself to the staff in A&E if you go too wild...)

Friday: Betula flip flops

It's lovely out there - misty and rainy, well if you like that kind of thing it is, perhaps you're amphibious?  I fully admit that I don't know the genus of the majority of my readership, so there you go.

I am wearing my lovely new Betula flip flops, as demonstrated on QVC a couple of weeks ago and no, I couldn't purchase them from there as they only sell up to a size 41 or 42 and everybody knows that my feet are huge and therefore wearing girlie colours is very much a pleasure denied to me.  Saying that though, I bought them via a large online retailer and they were dispatched from Germany.  I have an amazing grey pair, The Duke has a khaki set and I've also bought my mother the gift of comfortable PU footwear for Mother's Day at the weekend (well, it's better than flowers or a fluffy teddy bear wearing a shrunken t-shirt emblazoned with 'World's Best Mum' on it.)

Here's a picture of me wearing them and the nail polish colour I'm sporting is called 'Jellybean' which put me in mind of the 1980s super producer 'Jellybean Beanitz' I wonder what's happened to him these days?

I've had quite a few requests in my time, let me tell you.  Oh, you've read all about it already...